Holding Space for the Temporary
On Friday evening, Ember (my 5 1/2 year old) and I had a glow stick dance party to Taylor Swift's Eras Tour recording. Taylor talked about how the night would feature songs representing 17 years of songwriting and album releases. She highlighted that the songs represented feelings she had "at one time".
This sentiment struck me because so often I see writers shying away from their early works, hoping that no one will read them and discover how novice they were in the beginning. What Taylor did for me in that moment was remind me that it's all part of a bigger journey. She had nowhere near the number of fans as she released those first few albums. But those fans have remained loyal listeners.
Taylor wasn't embarrassed by those older songs, by those feelings she expressed as a high school girl. She owned the way she felt in those moments as temporary states in her life. She chose to feature them right next to her later releases.
While writing a memoir, I often struggle with committing some of those temporary feelings to the story. Certainly the way I felt at the beginning of the divorce process is not reflective of how I feel now. My struggles during my first few weeks of co-parenting and shared custody are not mirrored in my current day-to-day life. But that doesn't mean that those stories don't have value for those that might have experienced those same feelings before, or might be in the middle of it when they pick up my book.
Taylor's early songs may not have the most advanced rhyming schemes, interesting perspectives, or cool beats, but they resonated with her early audience and fans clearly enjoyed being taken back to those nostalgic places ...where they first encountered Taylor's music or the way the lyrics spoke to their own feelings and experiences.
Once I hit publish, my writing is no longer for me, it's for the readers. They shift it with their perceptions and make it their own. I have to remember that even my earliest, most rudimentary writing can have an impact, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it as I compare it to my later, more technically advanced writing.
One message I've heard on repeat this week is how important a writer's back list is. That includes the early works in addition to any later bestsellers. We, as writers, need to stop feeling ashamed for any part of our writing journey. It all deserves to be celebrated, just as Taylor knew and chose to celebrate her early songs with fans belting out the lyrics.
